"Huangshan #2" by Chaluntorn Preeyasombat
No matter what I do, no matter how I feel, I’m always in the wrong… I’m sorry I’m not better. I’m sorry I’m not like everyone else. I’m sorry I’m not like the one you cried on my shoulders about. I wish I could be him..
I’m so exhausted.. I can’t do this forever. It’s slowly killing me. I’m falling deeper and deeper into sadness. I just wanted to be happy with you. Why is it so hard? I know I mess up, and I’m sorry. But I’m trying to be my very best for you. I wish you would acknowledge that and accept who I am.
I am falling deeper and deeper into the darkness of my mind. It feels like I’m falling into a black hole, and I don’t know if I will ever come back out. My head and my whole body aches because I’m so sad. But I want to be happy, and I want you to be happy, but I feel more comfortable being sad and alone. It’s just what I’m used to. Being happy feels weird and strange, I’m not used to it. But it feels nice when I’m happy with you. When you’re happy. When I can see your beautiful smile. And the dimple by your eye, and your laugh. When I can make you happy and things are going great. But just one wrong move, just one mess up sends everything down the drain.
I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m sorry.
i’m so in love with this. i can’t even. ah. my favourite feeling in the world is putting your head beneath the water and entering an entirely different place, so peaceful, so quiet. what i miss more than anything when i’m living away from the ocean is being able to duck under and leave all my worries on the surface.
This is extraordinary
the fifth eye is my fav. after that is the first one